I know my posts have been very text oriented lately and I promise I’ll post some pictures after I write this. It’s just on my mind and I don’t have my physical journal on me (blasphemy, I know).
It breaks my heart to see my friends in pain, feeling down on themselves, feeling helpless or worthless. I don’t care how much anxiety I get from school or chips in people’s arms or whatever stupid crap sends my anxiety meter through the roof. I will always and forever have the most unbearable anxiety and pain when one of my friends is down. I know I’m an empathetic person and I feel for strangers even in the most horrific ways but when I see a friend in pain, I would sell myself out in a heart beat to take away their pain. I mean I would go through whatever I thought was the worst thing in the world if I could make them feel better for even an instant.
My very best friend is in that position right now. I know he’s down on himself and I swear if it meant that I would have to suffer through my worst days of anxiety and depression again to make him even remotely feel better about himself, I would without even a moments hesitation. He is the most amazing person I know and it kills me to see him sad. He is funny, dedicated, brilliant, dependable, honest, outgoing, helpful and just fucking flat out wonderful. I try to show him this but I know I fail miserably every time.
That’s all. I am heart broken for my best friend because I know he is capable of achieving everything he wants to. I know he is the best at what he does. I just fear sometimes he doesn’t see it because, like me, we set standards for ourselves that are unreachable. We know that there is always more we could do or more we can be. He is certainly better at being him than I am at being me and he’s already greater than I could ever hope to be. I am better just for knowing him and am so grateful and happy that he is in my life.
His drive to be better, his internal drive to be better is certainly impressive and extremely useful but I wish, just for a moment, he’d let himself realize and be happy for how far he’s come. If he would, even slightly, he’d see how damn impressive he is.
![The other day I was on Facebook when some guy I recently added posted one of those “repost if you agree” statuses, annoying to begin with. This status, however, particularly annoyed me because it was a list of what happens to illegal immigrants from all over the world. Much of the information was wrong to begin with but it ended with something to the effect of in America we give them benefits, etc.
This sort of thinking drives me absolutely mad. The United States [as we know it now, apologies to the Native Americans that we’ve exterminated in order to steal land!] was founded on and by immigrants, all immigrants have been unfairly treated. We’ve had caps on the certain ethnic groups allowed in. We’ve subjugated and harmed most all of them and yet somehow we still claim to be the greatest nation ever. Bull. Don’t get me wrong - I love my country, I love the ideals of my country. The underdog-gone-superpower wanting to be based on the “give me your weak, your tired, etc.” without the possibility of indentured servitude. The country we claim to be is the country I’d like to live in. The US we are fills me with sadness.
The person who posted the status ended a long conversation with saying he believes we should shoot anyone who crosses the border illegally. Like somehow he has a right to this country. The idea that to be a good citizen of the United States we must close ourselves off, horde guns, go around like cowboys, and scoff at education is absolutely ridiculous. Our pride does not match what we deserve.
I am from the US, born and raised, and I want national healthcare, more social welfare programs. I want to tax the corporations and the very rich, I think to sustain our wars we must raise taxes and pay for our soldiers, our firefighters, our streets, and our police force. Our foreign policy must be revised, our energy sources innovated, and our place in the global sphere reevaluated.
The world is growing up and we need to as well.](http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lqnhvn6CQV1qzamn0o1_1280.jpg)
The other day I was on Facebook when some guy I recently added posted one of those “repost if you agree” statuses, annoying to begin with. This status, however, particularly annoyed me because it was a list of what happens to illegal immigrants from all over the world. Much of the information was wrong to begin with but it ended with something to the effect of in America we give them benefits, etc.
This sort of thinking drives me absolutely mad. The United States [as we know it now, apologies to the Native Americans that we’ve exterminated in order to steal land!] was founded on and by immigrants, all immigrants have been unfairly treated. We’ve had caps on the certain ethnic groups allowed in. We’ve subjugated and harmed most all of them and yet somehow we still claim to be the greatest nation ever. Bull. Don’t get me wrong - I love my country, I love the ideals of my country. The underdog-gone-superpower wanting to be based on the “give me your weak, your tired, etc.” without the possibility of indentured servitude. The country we claim to be is the country I’d like to live in. The US we are fills me with sadness.
The person who posted the status ended a long conversation with saying he believes we should shoot anyone who crosses the border illegally. Like somehow he has a right to this country. The idea that to be a good citizen of the United States we must close ourselves off, horde guns, go around like cowboys, and scoff at education is absolutely ridiculous. Our pride does not match what we deserve.
I am from the US, born and raised, and I want national healthcare, more social welfare programs. I want to tax the corporations and the very rich, I think to sustain our wars we must raise taxes and pay for our soldiers, our firefighters, our streets, and our police force. Our foreign policy must be revised, our energy sources innovated, and our place in the global sphere reevaluated.
The world is growing up and we need to as well.
It’s like sadness just exists constantly in the recesses of my mind and every so often it breaks through and takes over. I have no reason to be sad. No reason whatsoever. And yet, here I am.
Can someone please tell me what happened that made my self-esteem go from a normal amount to I loathe myself? ‘Cause I sure can’t. Why am I skeptical of people and their intentions. Like somehow they don’t know what they want so I have to make sure they know before I’ll trust them.
Someone I like a lot told me I had trust issues recently. Well, yeah. True. Why? Same reasons everyone does. Childhood sucks, boyfriends were shit, etc. blah, blah, blah.
I want to tell myself to get over it. And I do. But guess fucking what, scumbag brain has other plans.
I’ll be hiding under the blankets until my brain decides it wants to stop being such a whiney, needy, unsure, loser.
